The cover photo for this blog is Commercial Road shopping precinct taken in 1988. I like it very much because like many others who miss it now, you can see C&A!
I’ve always said that in the eighties, Pompey was a great city to live in. I revisit at least once a year for nostalgic reasons and while there has been much regeneration, the one thing you can say is that the people are still the same warm friendly folk that will always have a chat or help out.
And yesterday’s visit was no exception. Arriving at The Hard interchange, the first thing you notice coming out of Portsmouth Harbour rail station is HMS Warrior.
THE DOCKYARD
Quite a queue at 10am and it will cost you £27 minimum now to walk around it. When I lived there in the 1980s it was free although I think I’m right in saying that if you had a bag with you, it was searched – bag searches were being carried out yesterday. While I can afford that price, I wasn’t paying it because I think it’s a little bit over the top. Imagine what a family of four would have to pay although there were plenty of takers.
OLD PORTSMOUTH
The row of public houses (I couldn’t find the Sally Port) are all places that me and a friend I’ve since lost touch with are still there; Keppels Head, The Lady Hamilton and Ship Anson.
I did want to find the American Bar. It’s tucked away somewhere inland but like so many Portsea Island pubs it may have also fallen by the wayside. I remember in those days a regular drinker called Martin, used to do the rounds in the local pubs, always carried a little plastic container with him that held twenty pence pieces, I’d never seen anyone else with one of those and I think it held five of the coins.
One pub that seemed new to me was The Dolphin although of course it may well have been there in the eighties. In those days in Southsea and elsewhere you could start the happy hours as early as 6pm too.
Another unfamiliar one I passed later in Southsea was The Lord Fitzclarence.
I’d forgotten about The Pembroke!
Gunwharf Quay was looking good in the unseasonal morning sunshine.
As was the Isle of Eight ferry. There was always that stand-in joke about getting duty frees on the Gosport ferry.
CLARENCE PIER
What we knew as the Hydrofoil is still there and of course, the array of amusements – that mini coaster is now called the Mad Mouse although I thought it may have been the Wild Mouse long before.
This little place of work was the Jubilee Tavern and interestingly the signage still remains. Now some kind of American bistro thing it’s never open at least in the mornings whenever I walk past.
On Fridays you could lock up after 11pm and move on to South Parade pier which was the place to be in those days. I spoke with a local trader selling hats on the pier and I said that I couldn’t promise to get the order right but there used to be 5th Avenue, Images and Joanna’s. He said that was correct. This is how it looks now.
And then? I couldn’t find any images of Images but here are two web-found photos of 5th Avenue and Joanna’s which of course was in the corner.
On the seafront walk from Clarence Pier to South Parade pier there is Southsea Common. Now I don’t know if the Southsea Show is still a thing but to earn extra money I used to work the beer tents and that was where a few friends who knew that, you could slip them a free pint. It was the same in pubs where in the mid-eighties electronic tills were just coming in; there were a few places that did ‘tick’ for regulars.
I also became aware as I walked that I didn’t really remember this rock formation.
CASTLE FIELD
Who remembers the Radio 1 Roadshows on there? Also, while the Pyramids still exists, it’s a gym and no longer a swimming facility. Then there was this new construction that looked fun, you can walk up into it which people were doing AND I assumed, it was free.
CANOE LAKE
Ride a white swan? The lake is as much as I remembered except that the new conveniences have the ladies roadside which used to be the mens.
SOUTHSEA
I forgot that Southsea had it’s own shopping area. Like a smaller version of Commercial Road, Knight & Lee was a blast from the past, I’m told a department store like the nearby Debenhams.
Some more photos of South Parade pier and the beaches, though a lovely day, little used in the back of what has been a tragic summer weather-wise.
Back in Southsea, two areas of note. This, in the roundabout used to be a thriving pub though I forget its name now and the second I’m sure, now under reconstruction was just called The Mary Rose, popular with students at the time with the university nearby.
Finally, back at Gunwharf, the old friend I mentioned at the beginning of this article, he was in admin on Nelson at the time and so where this new pub stands now, in the lounge area he told me is where his desk used to be!
I left just after 2pm, deciding not to lunch in the city as the trains are horrendous right now, still, it was an enjoyable few hours reminiscing and reuniting with Southsea.
I’m sure I speak for most when I say we are continually fed up, when on public transport, the constant sound of people playing smartphones (often at full volume) when we are forced to hear music (questionable these days IMO) and inane phone conversations.
It’s unnecessary (get some earphones for £10), discourteous (we really don’t want to hear that) and disrespectful (this really impairs the quality of our bus / train journeys).
My autism means that I have particular intolerance to high frequency (many of the smartphone reproduction is tinny and unbearable).
So after a summer full of instances like the one below, I’ve laid out plans that hopefully will end this locally and IF successful, I’ll use change org to petition every UK bus company to adopt a no-tolerance approach to audible music.
Now you will have heard me say that I recorded that. This was three gangsta-looking guys at the back of the bus. You wouldn’t be challenging them any time soon. However, they can get away with doing it because we have nothing to challenge them with. Remember before this smart technology? People didn’t take radios on buses and force us to listen to their choice of music. For one thing they’d be challenged by the driver.
Young rebellions in public bus, among polite citizens, making a chaotic atmosphere.
So I gave this a lot of thought and figured that on buses, we have signs (stickers) everywhere that say, for example, NO SMOKING OR VAPING. What do people do? They don’t smoke or vape.
With that in mind, all we REALLY need is for bus companies to produce this and help out an end to our misery once and for all.
I plan to approach our bus company here and if they take up this idea, I’ll start a change.org for signatures and see if we can’t petition bus companies UK-wide to implement the same.
The final sixteen acts are now split into four groups of four.
The winner of those group will go straight through to a final group of four which will be the Grand Final.
FRIDAY 30 SEPTEMBER
SATURDAY 1 OCTOBER
SUNDAY 2 OCTOBER
MONDAY 3 OCTOBER
This is the part where the excitement returns. Some cracking ties ahead in the week ahead.
The remaining sixty-four sessions do battle
And so after much a to-ing and a fro-ing which included duplications and protestations and then affirmations amid the Bauhaus conspiracy where they appeared to sail into round three without actually doing very much, I now issue forth the THIRD ROUND DRAW for #FavePeelSession (minus Bauhaus) from which you will see some mouth-watering battles ahead.
Owing to the Fall 1980 duplication and the slot made available apropos Bauhaus, I had to scroll through the entire first round to search for the highest voted percentage of a session that was voted third.
First to show were Roxy Music and Broadcast, both with 28.4%.
There wasn’t time for a play-off and so in the end I just put Roxy Music into the hat before things got any more complicated.
So here it is, your eagerly awaited third round draw, available exclusively on an internet near you.
Monday, 5th September 2022
Tuesday, 6th September 2022
Wednesday, 7th September 2022
Thursday, 8th September 2022
Friday, 9th September 2022
Saturday, 10th September 2022
Sunday, 11th September 2022
Monday, 12th September 2022
Tuesday, 13th September 2022
Wednesday, 14th September 2022
Thursday, 15th September 2022
Friday, 16th September 2022
Saturday, 17th September 2022
Sunday, 18th September 2022
Monday, 19th September 2022
Tuesday, 20th September 2022
Thirty-two quintessential quartets
Wednesday 10 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 1
Thursday 11 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 2
Friday 12 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 3
Saturday 13 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 4
ROUND 2 – GROUP 5
Sunday 14 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 6
ROUND 2 – GROUP 7
Monday 15 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 8
Tuesday 16 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 9
Wednesday 17 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 10
Thursday 18 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 11
Friday 19 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 12
Saturday 20 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 13
ROUND 2 – GROUP 14
Sunday 21 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 15
ROUND 2 – GROUP 16
Monday 22 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 17
Tuesday 23 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 18
Wednesday 24 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 19
Thursday 25 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 20
Friday 26 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 21
Saturday 27 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 22
ROUND 2 – GROUP 23
Sunday 28 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 24
ROUND 2 – GROUP 25
Monday 29 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 26
Tuesday 30 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 27
Wednesday 31 August
ROUND 2 – GROUP 28
Thursday 1 September
ROUND 2 – GROUP 29
Friday 2 September
ROUND 2 – GROUP 30
Saturday 3 September
ROUND 2 – GROUP 31
ROUND 2 – GROUP 32
An interesting side-salad discussion might be bands who arrived too late for Peel sessions.
What might they have been like; Arcade Fire or Broken Social Scene for example.
The Semifinalists were from London and active between 2005 and 2009.
I think they’d have made for a decent studio session and also find this track rather stimulating.
My latest bracket on Twitter is everyone’s favourite Peel session, using the hashtag #FavePeelSession
.
In each tie, the nominee will be tagged in so that one, they’ll be alerted and two, they’ll see who they’re playing as this gives the whole thing a more personal and competitive edge.
The tournament will have sixty-four groups in the first round, each group housing four nominated Peel sessions and the two most voted for sessions will make it into round two.
This will render 128 sessions to start the head to head phase which will run in that format until the final.
The first round will take two months to complete with just the one group per day but I see this as a good thing as people can have a bit more time exploring the music and perhaps artists they weren’t familiar with until now; this is going to be a great bracket and like a fine wine, mustn’t be rushed.
So I would envisage the tournament lasting until October and it will satisfy those early morning Twitter pollsters no end.
Fave Peel Session will commence this coming Saturday, 4th June with Group 1 and kick-off time will be approx 6pm each evening.
Here are my my ten personal picks that you can listen to should you wish but you’ll want to see the FIRST ROUND DRAW in full won’t you! In that case just scroll down past the videos.
THEATRE OF HATE Recorded: 12-01.80 First broadcast: 09 December 1980.
Rebel Without A Brain / The Wake / 63 / It’s My Own Invention
COMSAT ANGELS Recorded: 02-03.1981 Broadcast: 09 February 1981
Be Brave / At Sea / Eye Of The Lens / Dark Parade
GREGORY ISAACS & ROOTS RADICS Recorded: 10-26.81 First broadcast 05 November 1981.
The Front Door / Permanent Lover / Confirm Reservation / Substitute
SEETHING WELLS
1982 is about as much as I know and it seems to be missing off a few lists.
But it really happened. I was there, in bed, at fourteen, mesmerised by Godzilla and the Tetley Bittermen.
Fact, I can still recite Police Dog!
CULTURE
“There was one by the reggae band Culture that out of all of the sessions that were released on record is the one that I listen to the most, I think.” (John Peel, MTB Interview, 2002).
Recorded: 12-11.82 First broadcast: 11 January 1983.
Too Long In Slavery / Two Sevens Clash / Lion Rock / Armageddon
COCTEAU TWINS
This session was pinned to the CD version of Garlands, I’m not sure it was originally on the cassette version of Garlands that I had.
Recorded: 01-22.83. First broadcast: 31 January 1983.
Charles Windsor / The Funeral / Should The Bible Be Banned? / This Nelson Rockefeller
SOLAR RACE
*In memory of Eilidh Bradley*
Recorded: 05-16.95 First Broadcast: 02 June 1995
Good Enough / Out Of Time / Skewiff / Disgrace
MOGWAI
Live at Maida Vale, 21 May 2003.
Hunted By A Freak / Kids Will Be Skeletons / Killing All The Flies / Stop Coming To My House / Golden Porche / Ratts Of The Capital / I Know You Are, But What Am I? / Helicon 1
FIRST ROUND DRAW
So we do know the two sessions through from Group 1 of #FavePeelSession as The Slits (1977) and Yo La Tengo (1997) qualified with 134 votes collected overall.
Sunday 12 June
GROUP 2
I noticed that, with some 45 minutes left, Done Lying Down and Unwound were neck and neck at 11.6% so I quote tweeted the poll and eventually Unwound won second place with 14.9%.
Monday 13 June
Tuesday 14 June
Wednesday 15 June
Thursday 16 June
Friday 17 June
The Cure and Gang Of Four (via a play-off) progress.
Saturday 18 June
Sunday 19 June
Monday 20 June
Tuesday 21 June
Wednesday 22 June
And in the end, World Of Twist won through comfortably to join Stereolab in round two.
Well first the good news. I’m not going to spend too much time in giving my reasons but more introducing my favourite clips and enjoying them again.
Early Doors is rather underrated in my opinion and like Fawlty Towers, where only a dozen episodes were made, I think this is a British classic.
It’s superbly written and typecast. Henshaw the ideal landlord and the regulars that trod The Grapes. The unlikely coppers. The missing chocolates. The day at the races. Tommy’s new job…
Even the theme tune is great. It’s called Small World and sung by Roddy Frame.
There are very few clips of Early Doors on YouTube. I’ve tried uploading before. You just get a copyright claim and can’t upload.
Then I thought – I’ve got a website. Why not write an article and post fave snippets for others to enjoy.
Yes that’s what I’ll do. A sort of top ten clips. Or more. Well see how it goes.
Anyway enjoy the videos and before you go, be sure to have a look at the out-take videos I’ve done at the end- they’re just as funny!
MORE… OR LESS?
A sketch which debated organic food and the realisation that actually, while we’re all getting less, we’re paying more for it… I think…
THE PUB QUIZ
While not rib-tickling, I like the quiz scene because of the interaction and sarcasm between everybody but moreover at the end when there are groans because Duffy puts Miss You Nights on the jukebox again. Poor Duffy, all out of love and heading home on his own with a Fray Bentos.
GET UP, SKIN UP
This is probably my numero uno. It’s Ken’s face as Phil takes out the king size Rizlas and then pulls out a block which is two ounces if it’s a day and rolls a spliff, as you do, in the line of duty,
“You got any Bob Marley?”
“They’re off their bloody tits!”
TORTOISE
How this is played is great. Unless you’ve seen it already. Tommy’s chair is empty and the atmosphere is sad and you’re thinking it’s been the end for Tommy.
Until back he comes and they’re only talking about a bleedin’ tortoise!
And apparently you can’t replace a tortoise because no two tortoises look the same…
CIRCUSES
Everyone I know thinks this sketch is right up there with the best.
Do you like circuses?
CLASSIC PHIL AND NIGE
“A grown man? Dressing up as a baby? What does he get out of that?”
“Two Farleys rusks and his arse wiped apparently”
DIDN’T HE DO WELL!
Just a small compilation of clips from one of the series 2 episodes with the coppers on top form and you can see that Tommy is still working as a lollipop man.
THIS CHARMING MAN
From the first episode, Duffy enters the grapes with the Smiths classic playing on the jukebox.
If you’re of a young persuasion and don’t know what a jukebox is – Google it.
PENIS ENVY
Joe nudges Duffy at the urinals to check out the Scottish fishing tackle while Phil and Nige recount a flashing tale to Ken which results in that classic line – “no – he was in a Ford Escort”.
GIRO JIM
In which Joan tells the rest of the pub a story about Giro Jim and a Chinese takeaway after Ken’s Mum shows Winnie a newspaper article…
THE GREAT MALTESERS MYSTERY
In which Jean has a bag of Maltesers go missing. But it’s not just a bag. oh no… it’s a family bag!
THE OUT-TAKES
The DvD set includes OUT-TAKES so to enhance this post I’ve added some favourite blooper footage.
They don’t, do they. Never did when I was growing up or being educated and the fact that it was the 1970’s shouldn’t make any difference whatsoever.
But between then and now, somewhere along the line (and I blame the internet for a lot of the malaise) it’s gone very very wrong.
Out in public you will see the most ignorant people, seemingly devoid of any manners or indeed, basic social awareness.
There’s a chap on Twitter, one of my followers, who writes about his neighbours. The Ghastlies he calls them. It’s quite comical to read actually, I’ve made a point in telling him he could easily write a sitcom about them.
Though anyone remembering The Chawlers would know only too well the type of families that exist with God knows how many offspring and who’ve likely never done a day’s work in their lives. They probably couldn’t even spell the word.
The tattooed, pierced eyesores who are on Facebook via an intravenous drip spouting their “should of” and “them days” and “she goes” and the like. You know the sort.
So it’s Sunday morning and I decide upon a chicken bake at a well-known purveyor of baked goods. You know the one.
There’s a fair bit of a queue so I observe the social distancing markers in the floor and am idly queing when behind me come another of these families from hell, huge fat woman, actually thinking back they weren’t that dissimilar to Wayne and Waynetta slob. You know the show.
I kid you not, the father was a dead ringer. Anyway their daughter who I suppose must have been around six, made her way to stand in front of me.
I think you may already guess what happened next. And it did.
Probably not even a minute later, Wayne walks past me and plonks himself in front of me next to his child. And then Waynetta arrives too. Loud foul mouth yob, piercings everywhere that would embarrass even an airport metal detector and… oh look, hugely pregnant again.
I can’t and don’t do confrontation and with the queue still taking its time, I stepped back and left, without my breakfast.
It’s got to the stage where these morons, and I could use stronger adjectives, are so oblivious to others around them that if someone like me dared to say anything you’d probably get something like “oh what does it matta, fack off and die u old caant”
Writing about it does lessen the pain but not the dismay and disdain for these in-breds. There must be something like 10% of people like this in the world and with it already over-populated, personally I’d have them all gone by way of a lethal injection.
Because all they do is breed, seemingly, and have no decency or manners in any of them. What is the point of their existence?
And to be allowed to be in charge of children, there ought to be some kind of test that you must pass before you can officially and legally be a parent.
Christchurch in Dorset is just down the road. In fairness, at this time of the year you would expect to be on a beach, not visiting a previously unknown beer emporium, at least, not in the daytime.
I had searched for craft ales in my area and found this place that had great reviews and opened at 11am. Time then for a sunbed first thing.
There’s always a funfair at this time of the year too so I thought I could have a walk round there first. However they have moved it uptown, this is where it used to be, near to the town quay.
You’ll have to excuse the flowers; when I saw that arrangement I couldn’t resist!
So here is the fair. Looks about the same number of attractions possibly on a larger area of ground. Too early for anything to be going on but still, probably busy when its open.
That micro coaster is just about my level, tinier even than the old Wild Mouse at Littlehampton.
And so on to the main event. My remit was to find a dozen healthy craft ales from around the world and of differing genres and strengths. I may have succeeded. In the end I spent just over £50 for this little crew.
I will list these individually for the reader so that they can learn about each ale, I will certainly be learning along the way. Will I be drinking them? Gradually. Will I be keeping the bottles? Most certainly!
But first I had to sample one of the draught ales from the menu.
Customers who walk in can choose in measures of thirds, halves and two thirds or a whole. The strongest one there was the Strawberry Stars which you would see very little change from a £10 note.
I asked for a porter and the owner, Ben, recommended a chocolate and hazelnut affair, only 5.2ABV and £5.40 for the full pint. Here I am sampling it.
I’m not sure whether this makes me look menacing, mad or just having had a rough time the night before or maybe it’s just the ageing – one thing’s for certain the legs are still amazing. 😇
Anyway let me introduce you to the family (as The Stranglers once said) with a pic of each ale and some background to it.
Straffe Hendrik
A powerful beer with rich flavours of malt and hop.
The Straffe Hendrik family consist of a golden tripel, a brown quadrupel and the limited editions of Heritage and Wild. All beers have a high alcohol percentage and are rich in flavours and taste.
They are strongly hopped and brewed with a subtle mixture of different kinds of malt of the highest quality. The taste of the beers evolves as the years go by.
Moncada Brewery – Crisitunity
Barrel Aged Blueberry Stout – words from Untappd.
We took some second runnings from an Impy and added blueberries and brett. We then shared the resulting concoction between three different barrels. Each evolved in a singular fashion, extracting flavour and texture from the wood and the remnants of what the barrel stored before.
Vault City – Raspberry White Chocolate Honeycomb Imperial Stout
Rich and decadent Imperial Stout brewed with Raspberry, White Chocolate and Honeycomb.
Vault City say “As it’s our birthday we wanted to release something pretty special, well two things actually – a sour and a stout. We came up with a recipe based on our ideal birthday cake: Raspberries, White Chocolate and Honeycomb. These flavours sounded like the perfect combination for a Sour but equally as fit for an Imperial Stout. This is our birthday cake in a big bold sour!”
This weighs in at an “oooft” 12% ABV and makes me think of Python’s Australian Table Wines sketch. 😂
8 bottles of this, and you’re really finished — at the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.
Barefaced Brewing Co – Heartbreak Stout
This is a local brewer, out at Blandford Forum. Described as a ‘breakfast stout’ this is what they have to say:
The beer that started it all off. Taking it’s name & inspiration from events that lead to the founding of Barefaced. We use Bad Hand Coffee roasters espresso, paired with chocolate to make our stout ever so bittersweet.
Orval Trappist Ale
The distinctive fruity and bitter taste of Orval beer means it has become a genuine reference in the exclusive world of authentic Trappist beers.
Orval beer is a high fermentation beer. The ageing process adds a fruity note, which strikes a subtle balance between the beer’s full-bodied yet complex flavour and bitterness.
The beer was first brewed in 1931 and owes its unparalleled taste to the quality of the water, the hops and the yeast used. The brewery has selected very aromatic and unique hop varieties, which hark back to the first brewmaster of Orval, who hailed from Bavaria. The beer’s aromas are very pronounced while maintaining the right level of bitterness thanks to the English method of dry hopping.
The various stages of fermentation – combined fermentation with the original yeast and with wild yeast, followed by fermentation in the bottle – mean the beer must age for some time and requires numerous quality controls.
La Chouffe
From the Achouffe Brewery nestled in the heart of the Belgian Ardennes. A golden ale, strong, spicy and lightly hoppy, La Chouffe is bottle re-fermented, unfiltered, unpasteurised and without any additives. So what is a Chouffe? A red hatted, long-bearded gnome that’s a part of local folklore.
LOOK
A golden amber beer that is slightly hazy with a white robust head.
AROMA
Aromas of sweet malts, orange peel, coriander and spices.
TASTE
Tasts as it smells, soft caramel and malts with the underlying hint of coriander and mild yeast.
North Brewing Company – Coffee Coconut Porter
A rich, dark porter brewed with speciality malts, toasted coconut, and whole coffee beans from our local roaster, North Star. Balanced sweetness plays against complex coffee flavours in an indulgent, luxurious beer. Available at Morrison’s!
S43 Brewery – Happy Little Accidents
Hops: Idaho 7, Mosaic, Columbus, Amarillo, Centennial Malt: Maris Otter, Oats, Wheat, Maltodextrin Yeast: London Ale III ABV: 6.8% Style: IPA Allergens: Gluten (barley & wheat), Oats Vegan Friendly Quantity: 440ml
This beer is the product of working with what you’ve got. Sometimes brewing is a complex process of planning and handpicking hops, sometimes it’s a case of just chucking everything in. Guess which one this is?
The result of all that chaos is a thick, juicy IPA. Expect resinous hits of fresh fruit and pine needle. A happy, messy miracle of an accident.
Lost Pier – Fruit Machine IPA
From the makers:
Fruit Machine IPA is our smooth and rounded NEIPA with a low bitterness and creamy sweet mouth-feel from high amounts of flaked oats & carapils in the malt bill. Expect juicy citrus aromas from the Citra dry hops and an exotic fruity palate from Azacca and Sorachi Ace hops. A small hit of apricot puree was added for an extra fruity hit all brought together by a New England yeast which adds aromas of ripe stone fruit.
Solid State – Verdant Brewing Co. – Yakima Chief
A creamy, massively tropical, and punchy collaboration with Yakima Chief Hops! A festival of Cryo and T90 hops whacked into a 6.5% IPA. A first for us, and a really exciting opportunity to team up with one the world’s finest purveyors of all things dank, green & delicious.
Goodh Brewing Company – Knockout stout
Brewed with Olfactory coffee beans, Knockout is a big hitting oatmeal stout that is both full of body and flavour.
Goodh wanted to brew a bold beer to compliment the signature coffee from their local roasters so they decided to go big and craft a rich, sweet stout with a thick mouthfeel that has an abundance of coffee, chocolate and dark fruit flavours from start to finish.
Delirium – Strong Fruit Beer
Delirium Red is an 8.0% abv dark-red cherry beer made by the heroes that gave the world Delirium Tremens. Based on their blonde ale, it has a light pink, compact head, a soft aroma of almond and sour cherries, and tastes tangy and fruity, with a perfect balance between sweet and sour.
So there they are. Twelve fairly different ales to sample – I’d leave it to the experts to review them. I’m not one of those, just someone who enjoys craft ales. I hope you enjoyed reading about them. 👍
Nice title perhaps but not strictly true. There’s no hate for The Smiths second LP but more disdain. I’ve never fathomed why the majority of Smiths fans (and I’ve learned this over many years on a multitude of music forums), hold such love for it.
So I wanted to jot down my reasons and go through the compilation track by track.
Perhaps the first thing to mention in relation to it is my deficiency. As I’m on the autism spectrum, I don’t like change in any shape or form. So in music, it is natural for my ears to like only whatever it was that they heard first.
This means that I like very few cover versions of songs.
There are exceptions of course. Off the top of my head I can think of Everything But The Girl’s version of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Only Living Boy In New York”.
Anyhow, on to Hatful Of Hollow.
The album kicks off with the single edit (as far as I’m aware) of William It Was Really Nothing. A great start and no complaints from me. It was the 7-inch version I had a copy of originally.
“What Difference Does It Make”
Here comes my first problem. Firstly, the song is in a higher key than the studio version. And while the guitars are more organic, to me they’re too heavy. Once I’ve treasured that original single and the, to me, bona fide version of Back To The Old House as its flip-side, there can be no substitute.
“These Things Take Time” featured on the 12-inch What Difference release and was included on Louder Than Bombs.
I do feel pleased that somewhat against the grain, I side with the David Jensen session track as my pick of the two but still it’s a close call.
“This Charming Man”
So I’m calling this one a draw! Without the intro, this alternative version is softer, mire jolly, I can understand its appeal, my go-to is always that New York mix.
One thing I think everyone can agree on is that line – “Why pamper life’s complexities when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat”.
Also a good upholstery reference later in That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore with “And on a cold weather seat, well, it finally struck me – I just might die with a smile on my face after all”.
“How Soon Is Now”
Originally the B-side of William, I soon bought the 12-inch of this which houses the marvellous “Well I Wonder”.
I’ve heard a few people say that they don’t care for How Soon Is Now because it’s quite different? Or was quite different at the time to what they were mainly doing.
I cite Wikipedia apropos Hand In Glove.
In addition, the original single version of “Hand in Glove” is included, not the remixed version that appears on The Smiths. It features a fade-intro and fade-out, louder bass, and vocals that sound very distant.
I can’t bear fade-ins generally and along with the distant vocals, I loathe this version with a passion!
“Still Ill”
Oh my, what were they thinking. This for me is the worst thing I’ve ever heard by them. That harmonica! Makes the song sound like a poor man’s Love Me Do. Just dreadful compared to the sublime debut album version.
No issues with Heaven Knows as it’s the bog standard studio-made single so on to one of Hatful’s real plus points.
“This Night Has Opened My Eyes”
Without another version to compare it to, all I can say is how magnificent this song is.
“You’ve Got Everything Now”
I can almost like this but it’s ever so slightly slower and for me lacks the drive and intensity of the original counterpart.
Just like with This Night, there are no challengers to these and you know what, I actually love all three songs very much. Thank heavens these are the only versions I’ve ever heard!
Regarding live albums I don’t care for Rank much at all but when I lived up in the north of England I can remember acquiring a couple of live Smiths bootleg cassettes from an open market outside of Bolton or somewhere and thought that they were rather good.
And thanks to something called the internet, I’ve managed to track both of them down, though I no longer have either of them.
“Back To The Old House”
So the original b-side of this made it into Louder Than Bombs and while I could just about listen to the much different version on Hatful there is only one winner here and by some distance!
“Reel Around The Fountain’
Dear me. This is like… it’s not The Smiths, it’s a different band.
I’ve heard people contend that this is actually more soulful!
Each to their own, I think this is a pile of tosh compared to the beautifully polished studio version and as Mrs. Slocombe would point out, I am unanimous in that!
The album ends with the quite pleasant Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want with its Parisian street vibe (you can imagine being in an outdoor cafe enjoying croissants while the song plays in ze background… yes, it’s fine, wouldn’t make my Smiths Top 20 songs if there were such a thing but good all the same.
To close, blog-writing is certainly healthy. I’ve learned that I haven’t ripped Hatful Of Hollow to shreds as I thought I might do.
It’s clear for any reader to understand that I have several bugbears that impair my overall enjoyment but I would struggle with ranking it as a 7/10… so I’ll stop at six and a half!
Today Emma and I enjoyed an open top bus tour of Poole and Bournemouth and then a visit to Compton Acres.
Only as a child had I been there before and flowers and gardens held no interest for me, not like now, forty years later.
Compton Acres is one of the finest privately owned gardens in the South of England. Having undergone extensive refurbishment in the past 10 years Compton Acres is now highly regarded as one of the most important historic gardens in the UK.
Comprising a series of classical themed gardens, each providing an attractive and unique variety of ornamental plants from around the world, cared for by a team of professional gardeners.
The gardens are laid out on a circular route, like clusters of jewels on a sparkling necklace, allowing the visitor to discover each garden in turn. Highlights include the Grand Italian Garden, a Rock and Water Garden, a Heather Garden and an authentic Japanese Garden which was designed and built by a Japanese architect with many ornaments imported from Japan.
I thought the tour £28 for the two of us was actually worth every penny as it lasted two hours and there was a recorded commentary and music along the way.
When we got off at Canford Cliffs we decided to visit the gardens at Compton Acres and as you can see above, we got some great photos.
For a late lunch, the first Wetherspoons we could just walk in and order but their chip maker was out of action so we left for the Slug And Lettuce.
There we had to do the track and trace which I found annoying because surely if one has that policy, surely they all should?
We didn’t stay there either because I didn’t like anything in the menu but in the third one I was happy with a beef Madras and some chicken wings with dips.
Then we decided to try the crazy golf which was great fun. The final scores were eight holes to me, five to Emma and five draws with almost one lost ball which I managed to retrieve from a flower bed or it would have been a fine of £1.50.
It was a great day out and with an improvement in the weather the next two days especially tomorrow we are going to the beach at the Purbecks.
Originally the third B-side track on the 12″ version of Bigmouth Strikes Again, it would be later included on the compilations The World Won’t Listen and Louder Than Bombs.
Its place as second favourite also made me think whether or not it could surpass the beauty and strength of my first choice.
It couldn’t.
And scouring the internet for some background and titbits, I read that the lyrics are reportedly a mocking reference to The Cure’s frontman Robert Smith, with whom lead singer Morrissey had a public feud with.
Wonder what that was all about. 🤔
Also, Unloveable has never been covered live by Morrissey to date. However, he has been noted to quote the lyric “And if I seem a little strange, that’s because I am.” on occasion during concerts.
Speaking of live concerts, I used to have a pair of bootleg cassettes which I found at an indoor market somewhere near Bolton.
And one of them looked very similar and might well have been the same as the one below.
This exercise has also had me find some unofficial albums like this German one called Unloveable.
Tracklist
Miserable Lie What Difference Does It Make? This Night Has Opened My Eyes Hand In Glove Still Ill Barbarism Begins At Home Still Ill (Excerpt) This Charming Man (Acoustic) Hand In Glove (Excerpt) Jeane (Acoustic) Bigmouth Strikes Again Vicar In A Tutu There Is A Light That Never Goes Out Panic Sheila Take A Bow Shoplifters Of The World Unite Hand In Glove Rock’n’roll Part Two Unloveable #1 Unloveable #2 There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
So why does Unloveable rank so high? What really works for me in this song is the tailpiece.
Beginning at 03:06 it builds up and up before the fade-out with Mozza’s vocals backgrounded a little. You hear it okay but it’s the thirty seconds of beauty when he’s… what is it exactly, who knows, who cares, if the song wasn’t great already, the finishing line nails it.
I know I’m unloveable You don’t have to tell me I don’t have much in my life But take it – it’s yours I don’t have much in my life But take it – it’s yours Oh…
I know I’m unloveable You don’t have to tell me Oh, message received Loud and clear Loud and clear I don’t have much in my life But take it – it’s yours
I know I’m unloveable You don’t have to tell me For message received Loud and clear Loud and clear Message received I don’t have much in my life But take it – it’s yours
I wear black on the outside ‘Cause black is how I feel on the inside I wear black on the outside ‘Cause black is how I feel on the inside
And if I seem a little strange Well, that’s because I am If I seem a little strange That’s because I am
But I know that you would like me If only you could see me If only you could meet me
Oh… I don’t have much in my life But take it – it’s yours I don’t have much in my life But take it – it’s yours
3. I Know It’s Over
According to Wiki, the song was “originally meant to have trumpet on it during the refrain at the end, but it was scrapped”
Wow. Can you imagine that? Oh Mother I can feel… with brass in the background. God forbid.
In the book Songs That Saved Your Life, author Simon Goddard explained that Morrissey did not show his band-mates the lyrics to the song until the instrumental track was entirely finished.
Simon Reynolds of Pitchfork wrote “The writing in ‘I Know It’s Over’ is a tour de force, from the opening image of the empty—sexless, loveless—bed as a grave, through the suicidal inversions of ‘The sea wants to take me/The knife wants to slit me,’ onto the self-lacerations of ‘If you’re so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?’ and finally the unexpected and amazing grace of ‘It’s so easy to hate/It takes strength to be gentle and kind.
It’s the really clever lyrics and the maudlin, sheer desperation of it all that won my heart and enabled the high placement in this Smiths top ten.
In particular “love is natural and REAL but not for such as you and I”. It’s a nod to that feeling of displacement, when you question why relationships can be so simple for others but they never quite work out for you.
I’m thinking now that I’ve not seen I Know It’s Over in the many other top tens posted on Twitterland.
Over the years, flying the flag for the song has left me open to ridicule on music forums. “It’s a horrible dirge” others protested.
Well I think it’s a beautiful dirge and I cannot always expect others to have passions just like mine.
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head And as I climb into an empty bed Oh well. Enough said. I know it’s over – still I cling I don’t know where else I can go Oh…
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head See, the sea wants to take me The knife wants to slit me Do you think you can help me?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy Handsome groom, give her room Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly (Though she needs you More than she loves you) And I know it’s over – still I cling I don’t know where else I can go Over and over and over and over Over and over…
I know it’s over And it never really began But in my heart it was so real And you even spoke to me, and said : “If you’re so funny Then why are you on your own tonight ? And if you’re so clever Then why are you on your own tonight ? If you’re so very entertaining Then why are you on your own tonight ? If you’re so very good-looking Why do you sleep alone tonight ? I know…
‘Cause tonight is just like any other night That’s why you’re on your own tonight With your triumphs and your charms While they’re in each others arms…” It’s so easy to laugh It’s so easy to hate It takes strength to be gentle and kind Over, over, over, over
It’s so easy to laugh It’s so easy to hate It takes guts to be gentle and kind Over, over Love is natural and real But not for you, my love Not tonight, my love Love is natural and real But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head…
4. Well I Wonder
I do love the sound of falling rain. And thunder too. All too rare in songs don’t you find?
But that’s not the reason that Well I Wonder earns a place in this coveted ten.
It’s the sheer simplicity of it all.
For me it’s the best song on Meat Is Murder, even surpassing the sublime That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore.
And best of all, this song was on the flip-side of the twelve-inch How Soon Is Now I used to have, that song as you’ve seen was my number five though in these Twitter posts I’ve noticed someone had it down as their numero uno.
Well I wonder… do you hear me when you sleep? I hoarsely cry
Well I wonder…
do you see me when we pass? I half-die
Please keep me in mind Please keep me in mind
Gasping but somehow still alive This is the fierce last stand of all I am
Gasping, dying but somehow still alive This is the final stand of all I am
Please keep me in mind
That’s what I mean about simplicity. Well I Wonder kicks into gear at 0:32 (when that bassline begins) and drifts along so beautifully and no, I’ve no idea why the person was gasping and dying but it really doesn’t matter.
Conversely I can understand how it wouldn’t rank high, say, if we were to rate all the Meat Is Murder songs; I can imagine how some might feel that Well I Wonder is fairly average.
For me it’s always been a thing of beauty and is worthy of its place here.
5. How Soon Is Now
There’s a club if you’d like to go. You could meet someone who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own. And you leave on your own. And you go home and you cry and you want to die.
But did anyone ever imagine what kind of club? A singles club? A nightclub or disco?
Whichever it was the sarcasm in the prophecy that you “could meet someone” resonated hard with those who returned fruitless from Friday night nocturnal ventures.
I think How Soon Is Now is almost anthemic as Panic or There Is A Light.
Johnny Marr’s demo was originally called “Swamp”. In contrast to the frequent chord changes he had employed in most Smiths’ songs, Marr wanted to explore building a song around a single chord (in this case, F♯) as much as possible, which also appealed to producer John Porter.
“We used to smoke dope from when we got out of bed to when we got back to bed”, recalls Porter, and Marr concurred: “You’re from Manchester, you smoke weed till it comes out of your ears.”
And the song rambles on for almost seven minutes though when I do play it, I never actually want it to end.
Another thing of note to me is that the fade out is succinct here. Deserving. I’m not a fan of fade-outs by any stretch but you couldn’t imagine this song just stopping on a single note.
It’s still not one of their biggest hits though is it, peaking at number twenty four in the UK singles chart.
But it wins a place in my ten favourite Smith’s songs. I just couldn’t help myself.
6. Sweet And Tender Hooligan.
Class of ’87. Bang at it again with questionable lyricism, The Smiths came up with a bit of a rock anthem here.
In the previous year The Smiths had their big disco hit with Panic and the uplifting Ask, notwithstanding the fabulous Shoplifters and Sheila Take A Bow.
Hooligan should have been a single at the time. Available on Louder Than Bombs, heaven knows why it would be eight years before it was decided to be put out as a single release.
In 1987, the band were still everywhere you cared to look, big posters donning the facias of HMV, Mozza back on TOTP and slammed by MP’s, yes MP’s, no strangers themselves to controversy, over lines in Girlfriend In A Coma.
The Beeb also banned Stop Me because of “plan a mass murder”.
It’s the lyrics and interpretation I want to focus on today. Because being an autie I read everything quite literally but once I’d got it, grasped the true reality, I just found it funny.
“But she was old and she would have died anyway”
At the time a family I knew had a boy who was twelve tops and I’d introduced The Smiths to him.
“Is it supposed to be funny?” he asked having heard the three bar fire lyric.
Keyword “supposed”. I saw The Smiths akin to shock jocks. Radio presenters paid to peddle controversy ergo it didn’t really represent what they truly believed.
Etcetera! Etcetera!
So it was all a bit of fun. We all appreciate I think the sharp wit of Stephen Patrick and when it boiled down to these innuendoes I was naturally hooked, having endured a diet of Carry On movies growing up.
And being a football fan, Hooligan appeared to be a direct nod to the game. What was not to love?
The music was written by Johnny in early 1986. Morrissey must have written the lyrics soon after, or perhaps when the song was recorded.
An early, slower version of the song was recorded during the sessions for the “Panic” single, in May 1986 at Livingston Studios in London with producer John Porter and fifth Smith Craig Gannon, alongside Panic and The Draize Train.
Another version was recorded with producer John Porter on 2 December 1986 for the band’s final appearance on John Peel’s BBC programme (broadcast 17 December 1986). This is the version which has been released and with which we are now familiar.
So when it comes to choosing ten of the best, Sweet And Tender Hooligan is a worthy pick because it does a little more than it says on the tin.
“In the midst of life we are in death, etcetera.”
An important reminder of where we all are.
Death our ultimate loss but you know, while we’re here, let’s make the most of life.
Yawn.
They’re telling you what is good and what isn’t. Rather than, well we think that this is bigger than others.
So please please please don’t take this seriously. It’s Rolling Stone after all. Three years ago, they decided to rank all 73 Smiths songs…
Accept Yourself
Barbarism Begins at Home
Paint A Vulgar Picture
Meat Is Murder
Work Is A Four Letter Word
I Keep Mine Hidden
Golden Lights
Back To The Old House
Death At One’s Elbow
Money Changes Everything
Well I Wonder
The Draize Train
What’s The World
Oscillate Wildly
Girl Afraid
Jeane
Asleep
Wonderful Woman
Suffer Little Children
I Won’t Share You
Miserable Lie
Rusholme Ruffians
This Night Has Opened My Eyes
I Don’t Owe You Anything
Vicar In A Tutu
Sweet And Tender Hooligan
These Things Take Time
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle
Unhappy Birthday
Nowhere Fast
Pretty Girls Make Graves
I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish
Never Had No-one Ever
Rubber Ring
The Headmaster Ritual
London
That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore
A Rush And A Push And The Land Is Ours
I Want The One I Can’t Have
Girlfriend In A Coma
Sheila Take A Bow
Frankly Mr. Shankly
What She Said
Is It Really So Strange?
Unloveable
The Boy With The Thorn In His Side
You’ve Got Everything Now
Shakespeare’s Sister
What Difference Does It Make?
Shoplifters Of The World Unite
Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me
Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want
Ask
You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet, Baby
Death Of A Disco Dancer
Hand In Glove
Stretch Out And Wait
Still Ill
Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before
Bigmouth Strikes Again
William, It Was Really Nothing
Cemetery Gates
Reel Around The Fountain
Handsome Devil
Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now
The Queen Is Dead
Panic
How Soon Is Now
Ths Charming Man
I Know It’s Over
Half A Person
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Now because it was Rolling Stone and the article was in a scroll down, I knew exactly what the number one would be.
As predictable as when they tell us that OK Computer is the greatest album ever. It’s not even Radiohead’s best album in my opinion.
Opinions. Yes, about those. All us Smith’s fans are doing these top tens and there’s not one jot of critique, only appreciation and applause. Which is great.
But while are chosen lists will be different, I still feel that most will look at the above and say – have a word with yourselves.
While I’m thrilled to see some sanity in I Know It’s Over being third ‘best’ – two instrumentals are suddenly better than Well I Wonder? Cemetery Gates as high as eleven? Even Back To The Old House has suffered, personally that would make it into my top twenty-five.
Anyway, as we count down, I am a few days behind so without further ado, here’s my choice for number seven.
This Night Has Opened My Eyes
In a river the color of lead Immerse the baby’s head Wrap her up in the News Of The World Dump her on a doorstep, girl
This night has opened my eyes And I will never sleep again You kicked and cried like a bullied child A grown man of twenty-five
Oh, he said he’d cure your ills But he didn’t and he never will Oh, save your life Because you’ve only got one
The dream has gone But the baby is real Oh, you did a good thing She could have been a poet
Or, she could have been a fool Oh, you did a bad thing And I’m not happy And I’m not sad
A shoeless child on a swing Reminds you of your own again She took away your troubles Oh, but then again
She left pain So, please save your life Because you’ve only got one The dream has gone
But the baby is real Oh, you did a good thing She could have been a poet Or, she could have been a fool
Oh, you did a bad thing And I’m not happy And I’m not sad Oh…
And I’m not happy And I’m not sad Oh… And I’m not happy and I’m not sad
Recorded on 14th September 1983 it’s one of the few Peel session songs I care for that appear on Hatful.
True to say that with so many non-album tracks, there might have been one or two more studio albums rather than the hotch-potch of compilations.
Anyway, that’s where I’m at for now, four songs down and six to go
On a radiator in my lounge sits that t-shirt. It is one of the few things I have kept from the 1980’s, an original one too, purchased in HMV.
T’was summer of ’86. The previous year had been a hot summer and the release of The Queen Is Dead in mid-June was much awaited I remember.
It would be my last summer in Southampton and I’d play this album, along with Peter Gabriel’s ‘So’ repeatedly on my cassette Walkman and everyone sunbathed on the common.
“As the flames rose to her Roman nose And her Walkman started to melt”
The Queen Is Dead is as perfect an album as So is too. What tracks would you ever skip? I think it’s packed with angst and wit and delivers the songs in a series of punches that would flatten most pugilists.
This is the first of two songs from The Queen Is Dead in my chosen ten. I could connect personally with the words, imagining loving someone so much but never having fulfilment or standing a chance.
Twenty years, seven months and twenty seven days is one hell of a long time to dream.
Never Had No One Ever
Album: The Queen Is Dead Released: 1986
When you walk without ease On these streets where you were raised I had a really bad dream It lasted 20 years, 7 months and 27 days And I know alone that I never, ever oh Had no one ever
Now I’m outside your house I’m alone And I’m outside your house I hate to intrude
And I never, never oh Had no one ever I never had no one ever I never had no, no one ever Had no one never Never, no, oh
Now we all love a Smiths compilation but I was unaware of this unofficial release until now. So it’s something perhaps for the boy who has to have everything?
9. Wonderful Woman
I’ve always liked this enough for it to be placed ahead of other more well-known Smiths songs. The only snag here was where it would feature in the ten. Given the strength of what’s to come, ninth position seems almost perfect.
Here’s what Morrissey later said about this song (as quoted in Simon Goddard’s book ‘Songs That Saved Your Life’):
“In a monotonous way, it’s quite tongue-and-cheek. The wonderful woman is actually an incredibly vicious person but still at the end of the day she had this incredible magnetic ray to me. All the things that she wanted to do, nasty as they were, were completely forgivable due to whatever reason. It’s all metaphysical.”
10. Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now
“Bloody hellfire”.
That’s what Tommy utters under his breath in The Grapes as Duffy walks in, gyrating an arm above his head in mock up of Morrissey’s dance rotuine.
“The Smiths! This Charming Man”
“Label?”
“Rough Trade”
“Year”
“1983”
“Correctomundo”
I was fifteen when The Smiths came into my life, well on my way to becoming a charming man.
In fact, this band were to dominate my life musically for the next few years, replacing The Jam who I had been listening to fervently from the age of ten.
I’ve heard it said a few times that The Smiths came along just at the right time.
The eighties had such a vast cross-section of styles and The Smiths were something different again, a hand that fitted a glove so perfectly.
My introduction was by my cousin Andrew when he put on Heaven Knows. “You just have to listen to this” he said.
I’d been aware of The Smiths but maybe I hadn’t heard anything that blew me away.
Yes, I liked Heaven Knows but I had to take a backward step and buy their debut album and that is where I connected and everything fell into place.
A couple of tracks with questionable lyrics that were to come under scrutiny but still a debut album packed with songs of measure and value, not less Johnny Marr’s sublime guitar work.
And on Twitter right now, so many people are tweeting their Top Twenty-Fives and Top-Tens, I decided to make my own ten.
This Charming Man
William, It Was Really Nothing
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Some might say, how can you have a Smiths top ten without those? Oh I can. Easily.
For one thing, I think my ten will be a little different to most and perhaps contain the more deep and dark cuts.
And for another, it’s great that we all vary so much in our selections. It’s down to personal choice so in the end if I don’t include their most popular songs, what difference does it make?
So at number ten, it is Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now because for me, this is where it all began.
Well we’ve had a couple of trial runs and I have to say it’s proved quite a popular Sunday timewaster.
The #TwistedTracks hashtag does coincide with a couple of others, notably the game played on Paul Miller’s (Radio Solent / Dorset) show but we’ll keep it as it is.
The only difference was that we used the featured artist rule but that rather narrowed the pun potential.
So from today and moving on, it will simply be using the chosen theme and employing ANY band or singer.
You’ll see that today’s theme is BIRDS.
I already conjured up a band…
Hawk Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Lark.
in Scrabble that would be a triple word score!
Anyway, enjoy the new format and let’s see how many hilarious twisted tracks you can come up with.
Acid Mouse Music 