Remember when paintballing was all the rage back in the nineties? That moved quickly from being an outdoor pursuit to an indoor one and with the advent of tech, all manner of indoor adventures have become available and not just for rainy days.

What Is An Escape Room?

The concept of escape rooms began with first-person adventure video games where players interacted with their surroundings by clicking on-screen objects. Video games like Myst and Crimson Room allowed players to control their environment with just a mouse and a few simple commands. Certain elements of these point-and-click adventure games–interacting with hidden elements in your surroundings, solving puzzles, goal-oriented plotlines–became key features in what later became known as “escape rooms.”

The first documented escape room was created by a Japanese company called SCRAP in 2007. Players were ushered into a themed room where in order to escape, they had to solve a series of puzzles and riddles in a set period of time. Before long, escape rooms became popular, permanent fixtures in Japan and spread to China and the rest of Asia. Around this time, the first escape room in Europe opened in Hungary. Throughout the next five years, more and more permanent escape rooms populated Europe and Asia.

Beating an escape room requires teamwork, speed, creativity, and patience. Escape rooms are perfect for family vacations, corporate team-building, or just having fun with your friends. Escape rooms are amazing experiences to share with people, as you work together to discover clues to get out of an escape room, crack puzzles, and accomplish your ultimate goal (solving an escape room). Even if you don’t actually get out of the room, the whole team will have a blast and make memories that you will share for a long time. It’s great to bring a large group to an escape game, but you can also have a wonderful time by yourself! You can be put in any escape game location with strangers who will quickly become teammates. Some people even make friends for life with strangers in escape rooms!

You’ll wish you could stop the clocks

What makes the best escape games so popular? Escape rooms are a whole new way of experiencing storytelling. By combining a social activity with interactive adventures and challenging puzzles, escape game players are immersed in an entirely different world with storylines that feel like Hollywood blockbusters. No wonder they’re so addicting.

HOW TO DO AN ESCAPE ROOM?

Each escape game room has its own unique mission. You get to choose your own adventure by selecting the mission you want to challenge yourself to complete. Maybe you are trying to steal a piece of priceless art from a museum, or planning an escape from prison, or trying to repair a spaceship on Mars. Once you step into the escape room, you will be instantly transported into a different world, as your surroundings match the theme of your mission. Perhaps you find yourself standing in a fancy art gallery, or behind bars in your very own prison cell, or at the command module of a spaceship complete with high-tech screens and controls. These immersive worlds help you feel like you’re actually living out the story of your mission. Once you step into the escape game room, your Game Guide, the escape room staff member who will help you throughout the game, will make sure that you are clear on what is an escape room, the rules and answer any initial questions you have. Then, you will watch a video that explains your mission in full. Once the video ends, your one hour timer starts counting down! From then on, you’ll be directly interacting with the objects and props in the room to uncover all the clues to get out of an escape room you can find.

ARE YOU REALLY LOCKED IN AN ESCAPE ROOM?

It’s the moment of truth – grab those tickets

We know what you’re thinking because we get asked this all the time: Are you really locked in a room? If you need to leave the room at any point during the game, you’re always welcome to step out. What happens if you don’t escape in time? If you don’t escape in time, that’s okay! Whether you complete your mission in time or not, your Game Guide will meet you at the end of the game and open the room if you haven’t escaped yet. While it is exciting to be able to successfully escape, escape rooms are still lots of fun for groups who don’t manage to make it out during their first attempt–it gives them a goal to work towards the next time they come and play!

WHAT MAKES THE ESCAPE GAME THE BEST?

There are now close to five thousand escape rooms worldwide! You can play an escape room in such far-flung places as England, Thailand, and Korea. While the proliferation of escape rooms makes finding one near you very easy, not all escape rooms are made equally. Escape rooms differ in overall quality and presentation.

 

Calling The Shots gives you a top ten of UK escape rooms – er, personally I’m happy to stick with Cluedo!

1. The Crystal Maze, London and Manchester

10-14 White Lion Street, N1 9PD; Lower Byrom St, M3 4FP

The-crystal-maze.com

If there’s one thing Crystal Maze has, it’s a lot of fans. Which explains why you can now play the show for real in two UK locations: split into four teams per 90 minute session, eight people per team enter a sprawling space complete with large air-blasted crystal dome, darting between those four zones – Aztec, Industrial, Future, Medieval, in case you’ve forgotten – as a zany host guides them from challenge to challenge. Choose your team carefully though, as there’s a real mix of physical and mental tasks. Heads up: you will look as stupid as the contestants did on telly, but you will also want to do it all over again immediately after.

2. Lockin, Manchester

19-21 George St, M1 4HE

Lockinescape.co.uk

Designed to merge the gap between real-life and virtual reality, this is an interactive live puzzle game like nothing else before it. Walk down the narrow hallways and choose your mission wisely: save the US President’s son in Mission 60; stick to the classic format with Jail Break; or go all out in Treasure Hunter, which allows you to ape the antics of Sean Connery in Entrapment. ‘Scheriously’ good fun.

3. Escape Rooms, Cardiff

1st & 2nd Floor, 119 St Mary St, CF10 1DY

Escaperoomscardiff.co.uk
Why does a faulty TV remote always work when you smack it? How does Adam Sandler still get work? Don’t worry, this isn’t one of the conundrums you’ll be faced with at Cardiff’s Escape Rooms, we’re just curious. But you’ll have some serious head scratching to do here nonetheless. The most popular challenge is The Tomb: search for a missing person inside the booby-trapped tomb of Tutankhamun, trying not to set off the booby traps as the walls come down around you.

4. Mission Breakout, London

141-145 Kentish Town Road, NW1 8PB

Missionbreakout.london

Through secret tunnels and the sort, London’s underground has a rich history with makeshift intelligence operations, and you can experience some first-hand at Mission Breakout, an escape room set inside South Kentish Town Underground station, which closed in 1924. Channel your inner Alan Turing with the Codebreakers mission, soaking up the authentic detail as you do so (the staff don costumes of the period). Built for one team from 3 to 6 players, you have 60 minutes to find clues, manipulate machines and plot your escape.

5. clueQuest, London

169-171 Caledonian Rd, N1 0SL

Cluequest.co.uk

“Disney nor Universal Studios could pack this much fun into 60 minutes”. Not our words. Rather those of one happy customer who went along to this North London escape room. Using briefcases and other objects to crack the case, teams of three to five players are dropped into a room they can’t escape until they’ve solved the puzzles and saved the modern world from a villain intent on destruction. it’s as immersive as any spy game you’ll have played. Highly inventive, highly recommended.

6. Lost and Escape, Newcastle

Unit 1, Blackfriars Courtyard, NE1 5UG

Lostandescape.co.uk

To come out victorious at these North East escape rooms you’ll need to employ observation, communication and physical flexibility. It may also help if you’re a bit of a nerd: Dungeon, a middle ages-based enigma, pits two warring factions against one another, while Magic Castle, involves a good deal more wizardry and wonder. Both well worth the admission fee.

7. Escape Live, Birmingham

Arch 39, Henrietta Street, B19 3PS

Escapelive.co.uk

Fan of the Saw series? You’ll be wanting to try Escape Live’s Room 13 challenge, where you’re tasked with saving a hapless female victim from a blood-splattered cell by piecing together clues and objects in the hope of getting a four digit code to release the door. Or, if old fashioned sleuthing is more your thing, opt for Dr Wilson’s Office: it’s a Sherlockian case where players find themselves in a race against time, raiding a seasoned detective’s office for clues as his life hangs in the balance. Elementary? Anything but.

8. Lucardo, Manchester

Virginia House, 5-7 Great Ancoats St, M4 5AD

Lucardo.com

Claiming to have the hardest escape rooms in the UK, Manchester’s Lucardo is the place to really test your brain matter under pressure. The most popular challenge here is Virginia House, concerning a serial killer who’s on the loose and has been sending police clues. With the seconds ticking down and the stakes high, keep your wits about you and you may survive intact.

9. Tick Tock Unlock, Leeds

Third Floor, Kings House, 1 King St, LS1 2HH

Ticktockunlock.com

Another venue sure to separate the sharpest minds from the slowest, Tick Tock Unlock is one of the best reviewed escape rooms in the business. And business is good: there are five games to choose from but who would look past Mineforce: The Rebellion: a VR-powered science-fiction experience that incorporates real live theatre and 4D. James Cameron would approve.

10. Espionage Missions, Nationwide

Espionagemissions.com

An escape room with a difference – namely, there is no room – Espionage Missions bring logic puzzles, high-tech tasks and code breaking into the urban environment, making you feel a bit like Jason Bourne. And who can argue with that? Lasting between two and four hours, the missions are tracked online so each of the teams can map their progress with a scoreboard. An added real world edge is all well and good but the real highlight is seeing the true competitive streak emerge among friends.

Its name originated in a mock obituary published by The Sporting Times immediately after Australia’s victory at The Oval in 1882. It was Australia’s first test win on English soil. The response? The death of English cricket apparently, but also the birth of the most celebrated Test series in cricket history.

The first test match between Australia and England took place in Melbourne, Australia in 1877. However, it wasn’t until eight more tests later that the Ashes legend began. Whilst on their British tour, the Australians played one test at The Oval, London and after scoring a mere 63 runs in its first innings, England took the lead in the match by putting 101 on the board. Australia then improved on their 63 to post 122 and England needed just 85 runs to win on home-turf. Seemed possible right? Wrong. Australia’s fast bowler Fred Spofforth devastated England and took his final four wickets for only two runs. England’s last batman needed to score just ten runs to win however only managed two before being bowled. The Oval fell silent – England had lost on home soil by 7 runs.

 

The defeat was one that was widely recorded by media and press. The Sporting Times published a mock death notice for cricket on 2 September. It read:

In Affectionate Remembrance of ENGLISH CRICKET, which died at the Oval on 29 August 1882, deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances. R.I.P.

N.B.—The body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia.

A few weeks later, Hon Ivo Bligh (later Lord Darnley) captained England and set off to tour Australia. After realising that ‘The Ashes’ concept caught the imagination of the sporting public, Bligh vowed to return with them. Australia vowed to defend them. Game on.

After three scheduled matches and many social matches against the Australian national side, Bligh was given a small terracotta urn as a symbol of the ashes and his travels to Australia to bring them home.

Over 100 years on, the tiny, delicate and irreplaceable artefact resides in the MCC museum at Lord’s, London.

 

England’s 2-1 series win in 2005 stands out as one of the greatest series’ ever in terms of drama and was the first time that England had defeated their arch rivals in an Ashes series since 1986, with Australia winning eight in a row between them. Since the tables have turned somewhat with England having not lost a home series to the Aussies since 2001, indicating that they currently have the edge since the turn of the century.

Across the entire history of this famous battle, there is very little to separate the two nations. Australia have won 33 series to England’s 32 with five drawn. It’s interesting to note that both teams have won just over half of the series’ on home soil, whereas away from home both teams have claimed 14 series wins or 40% of all historic series’.

It’s fair to say that this year’s Ashes series could be iconic, especially after England’s recent fairytale triumph over New Zealand (and convincing semi-final win over Australia) to be crowned as World Cup champions in the ODI format.

After having Australia 122/8 at ‘fortress Edgbaston;, captain Root lost the plot rather and the psychological advantage shifted firmly to the green and gold who went on to a comfortable victory.

So will the urn return to home turf again to complete what would be considered as England’s greatest year of the sport ever?

Another gloomy forecast for this week means that the rain could affect the outcome of this series.

Ashes 2019: I’ve got nothing to lose and a lot to gain, says Jack Leach

Jack Leach says he has “nothing to lose” after being called up for the second Ashes Test against Australia at Lord’s.

Left-arm spinner Leach seems certain to start on Wednesday after replacing fellow spinner Moeen Ali in the squad following the opening defeat at Edgbaston.

Leach will be tasked with slowing Steve Smith, who scored a century in both innings last week to put England to the sword, but the Somerset man is keen not to overthink the task ahead.

“It feels like I’ve got nothing to lose and a lot to gain,” Leach said on BBC 5 live’s Sportsweek programme. “I just want to go and do my thing.”

Leach’s last appearance at Lord’s saw him famously score 92 as a nightwatchman as England overcame a dismal first innings to beat Ireland in an Ashes warm-up.

But this week all the focus will be on his bowling as England hope he can be the man to crack Smith.

“There has been a focus on his supposed weakness against left-arm spin,” he said.

“I suppose those stats are there but I’ve just got to – if I’m in the 11 – I’ve got to do my thing and bowl as well as I can and see what happens.

“It’s the same for every batter. I want to get every batter out. Yes, there’s Steve Smith but there’s 10 other guys as well and I’ll be focusing on all of them”.

Five reasons England can be cheerful for Lords second test

Jofra

Being careful not to downplay the impact on England’s attack of the aforementioned injury to James Anderson, the home side are about to welcome their most anticipated Test debutant since Graeme Hick.

While batsman Hick never quite cracked international cricket (and, incidentally, is now in the Australia dressing room as batting coach), Jofra Archer already looks born to play on the big stage.

Four months after qualifying to play for England, the pace bowler was trusted to bowl the super over in the World Cup final. That he delivered the goods was down to an education in the highest-profile Twenty20 leagues.

Not only that, but Archer brings a much-needed point of difference to England’s bowling. Eighteen months after seeing Steve Smith feast on a diet of right-arm fast-medium and off-spin, England picked four right-arm fast-medium bowlers and an off-spinner at Edgbaston. It is little wonder Smith cashed in again.

Archer has the 90mph pace England are crying out for and can also make the red ball talk (search the internet for videos of his bowling in the County Championship). Along with left-arm spinner Jack Leach and maybe even the left-arm swing of Sam Curran, England’s bowling is instantly looking if not better, then certainly more varied.

Maybe it’s wrong to place too many hopes on the shoulders of a man who has never played Test cricket before. But if anyone can make an instant impact, it’s Jofra Archer.

Woakes is the lord of Lords

Chris Woakes has endured his fair share a Smith-shaped suffering. He made his debut in the Test that Smith scored his maiden century, then managed to dismiss the batting phenomenon just once on the last tour down under, when his wickets cost 49 apiece.

Woakes at least got his man at Edgbaston, but by that time Smith had 286 runs in the match.

At Lord’s, though, Woakes is a different beast. In fact, if Smith’s batting is currently drawing comparisons to the great Sir Donald Bradman, if anyone in the future has a good game at Lord’s, people will say they have ‘done a Woakes’.

No-one to have taken at least 20 Test wickets at the home of cricket has done it more cheaply than Woakes, whose 24 victims have come at 9.75 runs apiece.

It is the fourth best bowling average at a single venue of any bowler in Test history and the three better were all playing more than 70 years ago.

On top of that, Woakes is one of only five men to have scored a century at Lord’s, as well as taking five wickets in an innings and 10 in a match.

If the Brummie Botham continues that sort of form this week, there’s a great chance of England levelling the series and Lord’s changing the name of the Grace Gates to the Woakes Gates.

Smith is due a failure

At the moment, Smith is to the England cricket team what Lord Voldemort is to Hogwarts. A name that must not be spoken, a batsman whose evil powers cannot be matched by those on the side of good.

The numbers back it up, too. Of Australians to have scored more than 1,000 Ashes runs, only Bradman can better Smith’s average of 60.84.

However, when he walks out to bat at Lord’s, no doubt fidgeting with, tugging at and adjusting his kit, he will be battling the weight of history.

Added to a hundred at The Oval in 2015, Smith’s twin centuries at Edgbaston made it three consecutive Ashes tons in England.

No player, on either side, has made four hundreds in as many innings in Ashes Tests in England. Not even the Don.

If Smith really does register the failure that is due, England must pounce.

Opening up the cracks

In the rubble of England’s Edgbaston defeat was the diamond of Rory Burns’ maiden Test century, the first by an England opener not named Alastair Cook or Keaton Jennings for four years.

Before he took leave of his senses in the second innings and tried to hit Nathan Lyon to Solihull, Jason Roy shaped up nicely, hinting that he could transform his one-day form into Test success.

By contrast, Australia openers David Warner and Cameron Bancroft managed 25 runs across four innings between them. Warner was twice snared by Stuart Broad and Bancroft looked like a man whose technique had gone to the same place as his sandpaper.

Warner did not play in the intervening drawn tour game against Worcestershire, while Bancroft made only 33 and seven as opening partner Marcus Harris scored 67. Both incumbent openers arrive at Lord’s short of runs.

Admittedly, all of Australia’s middle order contributed runs at Edgbaston, but will feel increasing heat if they continue to face early exposure to the moving ball.

Warner is a proven Test opener and is likely to get runs at some point. The longer England can delay that, the greater the chance they have of getting back into the series.

Pain for Paine?

Tim Paine was a steadying hand to captain Australia in the wake of the ball-tampering scandal, but the fact remains that the wicketkeeper has only scored one first-class century – the same number that fellow keeper Matthew Wade, playing as a specialist batsman, made at Edgbaston.

If Paine wasn’t captain, would he be in the Australia team? He is a fine gloveman, but would Wade or Alex Carey be a better option as a keeper-batsman?

Before the first Test, Paine was forced to answer that very question in a tetchy press conference where he also (possibly incorrectly) quoted Winston Churchill.

In Birmingham, he made scores of five and 34 and was occasionally scruffy with the gloves. If his team had not won, debate over his place would have continued all the way to Lord’s.

An England victory there, one in which Paine struggles, would not only get them back into the series, but also potentially destabilise the Australian leadership for the rest of the series.

And finally… the weather! With the Met Office announcing that our summer is officially over (with most of us wanting to know when it was that it had actually begun). here is the outlook for Wednesday at Lords via Accuweather…

Doesn’t look good – bring your brollies!

 

I asked some friends recently at a popular naturist / clothes optional beach whether they conceded that naturism has an element of exhibitionism. Having been raised by my parents in the naturist way, I get the freedom bit. But there surely has to be some exhibitionist or, in reverse, voyeuristic value to baring all in public.

Your average naturist will be in denial, for sure, but why else would the population at such a venue be around 80% male, a large proportion of who like to strut their stuff up and down the shore and beyond.

Don’t read me wrong here; I’m hardly likely to knock the concept or the freedom naturism brings. And nor am I writing to sell it. But nudity and unity combined are a fantastic couple and the beach is such a cool place to… er… hang out. 

So I thought I’d ask Uncle Internet what he thought about the subject – this post brings together a few muses and opinions from a couple of articles found. And… oh it would be – the first ‘review’ is about a nudist beach near to Swanage!

We’re at Knoll Beach in Studland Bay – one of the most prominent nudist beaches in the country, and situated (like the bulk of them) along the south coast, presumably because it’s warmer. Studland may be renowned for its naturist area, but that’s what it is – an area. The entire beach is two and a half miles long, but the nudist bit takes up less than half of that. Still, at 900m, it’s pretty hefty. You also have to walk to it – the car park is some distance from the naturist section, which is clearly marked by signs.

At first it simply feels weird – as if you forgot to do something, like get dressed. And you wonder if anyone is staring.

You keep imagining a police officer suddenly appearing out of nowhere, covering you up with his truncheon (oo-er), followed by a public indecency prosecution. What’s more, you find yourself glancing up at the people walking past, who are deliberately trying to avoid eye contact. The British Naturist Beach Code (yes, really, it’s a thing) tells you to ‘avoid confronting or approaching textiles’ – the naturist equivalent of Muggles. But soon you realise that no one is looking at you, just as you are not looking at them. The dog-walkers and strolling couples have eyes for the ocean, or each other. They’ve seen the warning signs promising Naturists Beyond This Point, and they’re still here – so they can’t care that much.

That’s one of the old signs I think – they read different now. I used to think it was odd and that the word ‘may’ should have read ‘will’. After all, at the height of the summer season, thousands flock there to enjoy (hopefully) warm sunshine and a refreshing balmy sea,

But what they were saying. the thing is, if you start early, you bypass all those worries. And nobody bats an eyelid when you turn up at a beach and disrobe – why would they? Everyone else is naked – or ought to be.

Some things I don’t get, like textiles (the word for those of the clothed persuasion) that turn up at a naturist gathering and subject their children to all manner of the naked form (and I’m talking piercings and worse here) – and there’d be an almighty hoo-hah if we went and stripped off on ‘their’ beaches.

It wouldn’t be illegal however unless the intent was that you were aiming to cause distress or could be proven – it would be quite difficult I would imagine for it to stand up in court.  

Needless to say, such cases are rare because naturists tend to frequent official venues so, when in Rome and all that.

I’ll tell you something else that’s great about naturists too. When you are at the beach, nudity is such a great leveller. You could be rich, poor, fat, thin, whatever AND here’s the thing, the people are so much more friendlier. You imagine a day at the coast when you’rr crammed like sardines near to strangers – bottom dollar they won’t talk to you.

Then there’s this weird concensus from people who’ve never tried it, they say… so you’re fully nude in close proximity to friends or people you don’t know and… you don’t think about S-E-X???

That to me is where it kind of falls down. The misunderstanding. Oh and the fact that naturism doesn’t really fit with Britain, a country (and one of very few left) that still changes itself under a towel. It’s no wonder the rest of Europe laughs at us Brits. Go into Europe and most beaches are clothes-optional.

The Carry On movies and the saucy seaside postcards neatly sum up our general attitude towards nudity and that other thing.

See, I was raised on Whizzer & Chips and Health & Efficiency and neither did me any harm. Plus I know I was one of those children who’d happily strip off at the beach. It was natural – you don’t get taught that.

Because most of my nascent was away from the seaside and I grew through the awkward years, I didn’t return to naturism until my early twenties and even then found it a little awkward, a bit like being out of practice. But when I returned to my birth county I went back to the aforementioned venue and I’ve been there ever since.

This article I found interesting, from The Independent, is about a naturist cruise for… yes, 2,000 people! Here’s a potted excerpt…

“We are safely away and you can now enjoy a…” There was a pause, as if the cruise director was having trouble choosing what, exactly, he should call what was about to happen. Finally he said, “…a carefree environment.”

The announcement was still reverberating through the ship when the scrotum airing began in earnest; shorts and shirts dropped to the ground and penises dangled in the south Florida sun. Permission had been granted. Now buttocks could swing from side to side with no restrictions, and breasts – finally released from the prison of blouse and brassiere – burst into the open, to be caressed by soft tropical breezes. We were on a boat. One thousand, eight hundred and sixty-six nudists living the “anti-textile” dream.

Not that some of them weren’t almost nude before the cruise director gave the all clear. Many were in various states of undress, itching to toss their clothes aside. A skeletal man in his eighties wandered around the ship wearing only a fluorescent thong, his loose skin draped around his bones in cascades that looked like freckled frosting, and a gigantic, barrel-chested man – he looked like he’d eaten an actual barrel – lumbered around the lido deck on an industrial-strength cane, wearing only a loincloth. A few people soaked in Jacuzzis, surreptitiously slipping out of their swimsuits, while the less rebellious sat by the pool, looking somewhat forlorn, waiting for the green light. These were nudists, after all. And they had paid big bucks to frolic in the buff. When the all clear was sounded, they didn’t hesitate.

There are rules for being a nudist. It’s not enough to drop your trousers and waggle your genitals in the sunshine. That might be fun – or, depending where you are, get you arrested – but it’s not nudism. You can take off your clothes and run across a football field, but that’s not nudism, that’s streaking. Jump in a lake and frolic naked with several of your friends? That’s skinny-dipping. Fun, but not nudism. Even bathing in a Japanese onsen isn’t nudism. Yes, you’re naked and with other naked people in a hot spring, but after you’ve cleaned and refreshed in the cold plunge, you get dressed and go out for ramen. A nudist would eat noodles naked, with other naked people.

I had never been on a cruise ship before – I’d never even been interested in being on a cruise ship – but this wasn’t just any cruise, this was the Big Nude Boat, a special charter offered by Bare Necessities, the premier “nakation” (a portmanteau of “naked” and “vacation,” but you probably figured that out) travel agency. Not only that, the cruise was on board the Nieuw Amsterdam, one of the Holland America Line’s more luxurious ships, which meant this was the deluxe version of non-sexual social nude recreation. Meaning nudism. Or naturism. Depending on who you ask. There are several theories floating around about which word means what – historically speaking there are some actual distinctions – but the reality was that I was on a boat with almost 2,000 people who weren’t wearing clothes.

You can read more by clicking below:

What’s it like on a boat with 2,000 people not wearing clothes?

So I think that in Britain we are lucky to have the clubs and beaches and of course, those with secluded gardens can enjoy naturism in the privacy of their own homes. But my original point still bugs me. There’s a conflict there. I like being naked and being in the company of other naked people – it’s just liberating, simple as that. Am I an exhibitionist? In that sense, I am, I guess… but most naturists would disagree. And that’s fine, just like naturism. There is nothing innately wrong or disgusting about the naked human form. If we teach our children that there is then we’re on a slippery path I feel. The children of today would be tomorrow’s naturists but misuse of modern technology means that they will never have the freedom I was given forty years ago and that’s a great pity.

“Early Doors!”
“Correct. Label?”
“BBC2”
“Spot on. Year!”
“2003-2004”
“Top man!”

So when I say this is far and away my favourite sitcom it’s high accolade and against the grain of the general concensus that would have  Only Fools And Horses as the best tv comedy show ever.

But then I always preferred the dark side. The League Of Gentlemen and other alternative comedies appealed to me faar more than a lot of the greats but don’t read me too wrong; I can take as much of George and Mildred or On The Buses as you could throw at me.

Written by Craig Cash (he of The Royle Family) and Phil Mealey, both would star in this fantastically northern comedy about the woes of back street pub landlord Ken Dixon (John Henshaw) and the regular clientele.

Ken Dixon (Landlord)

And it’s that regualar clientele that endeared me most, mainly because in the same way Little Britain made sketches based on people they had actually seen rather than invent these eccentric souls, you’d lay money that in any given pub somewhere, there are people just like Joan and Eddie!

Then there’s the ‘bill’ – a pair of coppers who drop in for freebies and cause mayhem – you couldn’t write it but Phil Mealey did and I thank him eternally.

Just like the classic Fawlty Towers, just two series and a dozen episodes were made and I’ve trimmed my DvD box set into gorgeous snippets for others to watch and enjoy.

So let’s start at the beginning, for what a very food place to start, with Ken opening up the pub and greeting Tommy, ever the first through the door…

 

In this second clip we meet Joe and Duffy (Craig Cash and Phil Mealey) in the now famous “This Charming Man” scene where at the end, to get the lads’ attention for the upcoming big boys beano, he says “hang on, let me just turn this shite down!”…

 

The overview of episode one is that Ken, sets about organising the Big Boys’ Beano, Jean and Winnie try to protect a friend’s reputation and the local police, Phil and Nige attempt to solve the off-license robbery. Melanie’s search for her real father progresses but is Ken really as pleased as he seems?

Meanwhile, temporary traffic lights and the build up of cigarette butts in the urinals cause problems in The Grapes. Introducing the antithesis of “fast” Eddie…

As we meet the characters one by one, this time it’s Ken’s mum Jean who does nowt but sit upstairs all day on her inhaler, scoffing sweets! In this scene there’s also fellow gossiper, Winnie, who’s the regular char. Jean’s read an article in the local rag about some misdemeanour by the son of a friend and only gone and photo-copied it. What kind of callous person would do that?!

It was the perfect timewaster for then pre-teens and tweens. My Dad pasted the green baize cloth onto a large piece of chipboard, around which was the fencing, stands, scoreboard, floodlights. Accessories would arrive in the post via a lot of saving up pocket money. I actually cut my right hand open eagerly opening a package I remember.

A childhood photo here (you can tell it’s the seventies by the shirt!)…

And how many times did your Mum hoover up your star striker or tread on the poor tiny heads, rendering them unfit for the trip to Blackpool? On our estate there were leagues going on in the days before you discovered girls. I grew up in Farnham (Surrey) and so naturally was an Aldershot fan and tried my best to create my home ground as near to the Rec as I could get it. In this photo, someone has three stands side by side at one end to give that big stadium effect…

And this one’s even more impressive… my guess is it’s maybe Malaga?

There were other table-top games back then, namely one called Striker which I think was made by Chad Valley. In that game the plastic figures were far bigger and to kick the ball you had to position it by the player’s foot and press down on his head!

Subbuteo ventured into other sports as well, namely cricket and rugby and I tinkered with both but they were never as big as the Subbuteo football game which fascinated children and grown up children in the seventies, eighties and beyond.

The balls were weird too. I mean, to scale the standard balls were almost the same size as the player and the larger ones were… just way too large! And who couldn’t be excited about ordering a set of new goals – look at these, one in red netting and one in blue – ideal for Shots fans!

Your teams, when you could afford a new one, came in a cardboard presentation box with a plastic insert – here’s the Shakhtar Donetsk team of vintage…

Subbuteo has also touched the music industry with a Subbuteo football figure gracing the picture sleeve of The Undertones 1980 single My Perfect Cousin and referencing the game in the lyrics:

Now I’ve got a cousin called Kevin
He’s sure to go to heaven
Always spotless clean and neat
The smoothest you can get them
He’s got a fur lined sheepskin jacket
My ma said they cost a packet
She won’t even let me explain
That me and Kevin were just not the same

Oh my perfect cousin
What I like to do he doesn’t
He’s his family’s private joy
His mothers little golden boy

He’s gotta a grade in economics
Maths – physics and bionics
He thinks that I’m a cabbage
’cause I hate university challenge
Even at the age of ten
Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then
He always beat me at Subbuteo
’cause he flicked the kick
And I didn’t know

Oh my perfect cousin ..

His mother bought him a synthesizer
Got the Human League into advise her
Now he’s making lots of noise
Playing along with the art school boys
Girls try to attract his attention
But what a shame it’s in vain total rejection
He will never be left on the shelf
’cause Kevin he’s in love with himself

Amd better still, family favourites Half Man Half Biscuit wished for a Dukla Prague Away kit for Christmas!

 

The game

Playing Subbuteo is a physical simulation of association football, involving dexterity and skill in flicking the playing figures, which stand on weighted bases, across the tabletop pitch towards the ball.

What makes the game different from most other tabletop sports games are the hundreds of team kits and accessories. While most games feature only two teams (usually “red vs blue” or “white vs black”), Subbuteo has several hundred team designs, almost all representing real teams, with the notable exception of comic book legends Melchester Rovers. While there were many famous teams such as Chelsea, Manchester City, and Real Madrid, these were complemented by many unique sides, such as Boston Minutemen, Landskrona, Antwerp, Hartford Bicentennials, Admira Wacker, and even unpainted models. There are also many additional accessories, such as new balls and goals, special figures for free kicks and throw-ins, stands and crowd, linesmen, ball-boys, streakers and policemen, floodlights, TV cameras and even a mini-Her Majesty the Queen to present the FA Cup.

 

The rules of Subbuteo table football attempts to correspond as closely as possible with association football. However, the necessary simplifications involved in some ways complicate things further. Players maintain possession as long as the figure they flick makes contact with the ball and the ball does not subsequently hit an opposing figure, although the same figure cannot be used for more than three consecutive flicks. Shots at goal can be taken only once the ball is over the ‘shooting line’, a line parallel to and equidistant between the goal line and half-way line. The goalkeeper figures are attached to, and manoeuvered with, a rod that fits underneath the back of the goal. The offside law is in effect, but only pertaining to figures that are forward of the opposing team’s shooting line (as opposed to the half-way line, as in actual football).

So what of the game’s origins?

The game of Subbuteo was invented by Peter Adolph (1916–1994), who was demobbed from the Royal Air Force after the end of World War II. Searching for a new business opportunity he turned his attention to creating a new table-top football game. He adapted his game from Newfooty, a table football game that had been invented in 1929 by William Lane Keeling of Liverpool. He made numerous improvements, including changing the heavy lead bases under the model players to lighter materials, using for his prototype a button from his mother’s coat and a washer.

The first Subbuteo sets, known as the Assembly Outfits, consisted of goals made of wire with paper nets, a cellulose acetate ball, cardboard playing figures in two basic kits (red shirts with white shorts, and blue shirts with white shorts) and bases made from buttons weighed down with lead washers. The story is that Peter found one of his mother’s coat buttons and used Woolworth buttons for the early set bases. No pitch was provided: instead, the purchaser was given instructions on how to mark out (with chalk, provided) a playing area on to a blanket (an old army blanket was recommended). The first sets were eventually available in March 1947, several months after the original advertisement appeared. The first figures were made of flat cardboard cut out of a long strip. Later these card players came in press-out strips before being replaced with two-dimensional celluloid figures, known to collectors as “flats”.

 

Early production of Subbuteo was centred in Langton Green, near Tunbridge Wells in Kent. Following the advent of the OO scale players the player figures were individually hand painted by local outworkers in their own homes. In its early years, Subbuteo had a fierce rivalry with Newfooty. In the run up to Christmas 1961 Adolph introduced a three-dimensional handpainted plastic figure into the range. After several design modifications, this figure evolved by 1967 into the classic “heavyweight” figure pictured.

Newfooty ceased trading in 1961 after a failed television advertising campaign but its demise is thought to be linked to the launch of the moulded Subbuteo players. There were several further evolutions of figure design. In 1978 the “zombie” figure was introduced to facilitate the machine painting of figures. After much negative feedback, the zombie figure was replaced in 1980 by the “lightweight” figure that continued until the 1990s. The game was very popular until it suddenly stopped production. The brand was initially relaunched by Hasbro, who for a short time produced flat photorealistic card-style figures on bases, rather than three dimensional figures

The 1960’s

In this decade, Subbuteo produced the already-legendary three-dimensional figures.

The first figures were called Earlier. Their bases, which were larger, were divided into two parts, interior and exterior, which created the possibility of giving them different colours. The inside of the base was hollow, with a metal weight to give it some weight.

The figure had a short-sleeve, V-neck shirt, with little detail and a strange posture and a flat appearance. The player was placed atop the top part of the base using a thin rod (copy of the diagrams).

This figure was produced until 1967, when it was replaced by the so-called “heavyweight” figure. The “heavyweight” figure had more detail and wore a long-sleeve shirt with a round neck. The designer of these figures was Charles Stadden and the figures were painted and assembled by housewives in Tunbridge Wells.

This was the era in which Subbuteo could be said to have taken off, since the sets were sold in a very attractive package and could be found in toy shops and sporting goods shops all over the country.

In August 1970, the “First International Table Football Tournament” took place in the Savoy Hotel in London. The prize was the John Waddington World Cup Trophy.

The countries that participated were Belgium, Ireland, Gibraltar, Holland, Israel, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Switzerland, the USA, Wales, and the champion West Germany. In 1974, the Munich World Series was played, with Holland being the winner.

Accessories continued to be developed, with rods for changing the goalie, medium-sized balls, specific figures for corner kicks, and a much-anticipated accessory, the grandstand, which was sold with 5 spectators.

The “heavyweight” figure arrives

In 1981, the figure known as “lightweight” was created; it is a more detailed figure, with bent knees (similar to the “heavyweight” figure) but more thinner and with a lighter design. They were machine painted, although during the first two years of production they were also hand painted. These figures’ details allowed for logos, crests, and stripes. This figure was used from 1981 until 1996.

Among the accessories created during this period were crowd barriers and mounted police. In this period there was a change in Subbuteo’s location: the company moved to Leeds as it no longer needed the labour in Kent.

The Waddington years

From 1983 to 1987, Waddington progressively reduced Subbuteo’s product range (by removing its cricket, rugby, and hockey games from the market), and they also reduced the number of teams available (from 298 to 169) and the number of sets (in 1987 there were only two boxes, the Club Edition and the 1986 World Cup Edition).

In 1987, Waddington decided to relaunch its new line of Subbuteo products and to target a new audience. Among the game’s new accessories were a new grandstand, now red and blue, and the grey corner piece, which was complemented in 1991 with the arrival of “Greek pillar” floodlights.

With this new launch, Waddington chose to acquire new licences, starting with those of the 1990 World Cup in Italy and the 1994 World Cup in the USA. Two more licences were added in 1995: the Euro 1996 and an edition that included all of the teams from the Premiership.

The Hasbro years

Hasbro acquired Waddington in the mid 1990s.

It began with a key change to the base of the figures. They were now just one piece and one colour, apparently solid and without the metal weight, with a larger bottom and a thinner curved edge. This increased the figure’s stability and made straight movements much easier. Hasbro acquired the 1996 Euro and 1998 World Cup licences.

The official Manchester United Edition was later released with new accessories and also included the club’s crest on the centre circle of the pitch and on the balls. The new “Club” set even came with a surprise: the pitch was made of a new material – not as good as the baize from the 1970s, but better than nylon. It was a shame it only appeared in this set.

In 2000, Hasbro launched new sets that were a relaunch of the sets with the Premier clubs, an updated version of the Manchester United Edition, and a deluxe set that included the return of the grandstand (this time in red and white) and three teams.

Some of the most popular Premiership teams were launched, like Arsenal, Aston Villa, Chelsea, Everton, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Newcastle, and Tottenham.

In 2003, Edilio Parodi acquired the rights from Hasbro to sell new Subbuteo products on the Italian market and to produce their own range (the return of the Astropitch, a new playing figure, a redesigned base more suitable to the modern game, etc.). The teams were painted in China. Hasbro’s licence to Edilio Parodi lasted until 2005.

At the beginning of that year, Hasbro launched Subbuteo again, this time under the name “Photo-Real.” The figures were made of cardboard and had the faces of real footballers from 8 top European clubs.

After this edition, Subbuteo disappeared from shops, except for certain editions, such as the one that was made in England by Marc & Spancer shops in 2009 and was quite successful.

2012 – A new beginning…

After several years of not being available in shops, a new Subbuteo game reappears with full force in 2012. The packaging is mostly green – any other colour wouldn’t have been fitting… The logo maintains the brand’s classic colours and lettering, but breathes a more modern air that is adapted to the 21st century.

The product follows this idea, respecting Subbuteo’s classic identity while adding new features that improve the game considerably. Some of these features are:

A high-quality cloth playing field. Subbuteo is a game of precision, and the quality of the playing field is an extremely important point.

New base design that improves stability and makes movement easier.

More detailed figures: Teams have players of different races, with long and short hair, blonde/brown/red hair, different-coloured football boots, etc.

Nearly unbreakable figures: The new Subbuteo includes this great new feature. Figures are made with a more flexible and durable material that resists breakage.

The new Subbuteo has been received with great excitement by fans all over the world. It’s been many years of waiting, but Subbuteo has returned… this time to stay?